✦ OPEN TO WORK ✦ UKKO MUSTAKOSKI — PROFESSIONALLY BETWEEN OPPORTUNITIES ✦ AVAILABLE 24/7 ✦ CLIMBER. GAMER. UNEMPLOYED. ✦ WILL WORK FOR SNACKS ✦ OPEN TO WORK ✦ UKKO MUSTAKOSKI — PROFESSIONALLY BETWEEN OPPORTUNITIES ✦ AVAILABLE 24/7 ✦ CLIMBER. GAMER. UNEMPLOYED. ✦ WILL WORK FOR SNACKS
Portfolio 2025 — Edition: Desperate

Employed
Enthusias­tically
Available

Ukko Mustakoski

A curated chronicle of ambition, setbacks,
and unfulfilled LinkedIn promises.

Available immediately — like, right now — please
0
847 Applications sent
3 Callbacks received
∞ Coffees consumed
0.4% Response rate
01 /

Experience

Jan 2025 — Present
Professional Job Seeker
Self-Employed (Reluctantly)
Sending 15+ tailored cover letters weekly into a void that occasionally auto-replies. Mastered the art of refreshing job boards at 2am. Became intimately familiar with the phrase "we've decided to move forward with other candidates."
Current Role
Ongoing
2022 — 2024
Senior Something-or-Other
A Company That Did Layoffs
Contributed meaningfully to quarterly objectives and cross-functional synergies. Was told the role was "not eliminated, just restructured" approximately 10 minutes before it was eliminated.
Laid Off
Ended
Summer 2019
Intern (Unpaid)
Prestigious-Sounding Agency
Made coffee. Reorganised the supply cupboard. Was invited to "shadowing opportunities" which turned out to be watching someone else do their actual job. Received a certificate of completion and no job offer.
Character Building
Seasonal
02 /

Core Competencies

💼 Professional

Tailoring Cover Letters
Being "A Fast Learner"
Team Collaboration
Strategic Pivoting
Salary Negotiation

🛋️ Unemployment

Midday Napping
LinkedIn Doom-Scrolling
Explaining the Gap
Budget Cooking
Existential Resilience

🎮 Actually Good At

Video Games
Rock Climbing
Problem Solving Under Pressure
Spatial Awareness
Not Giving Up Mid-Route

🛠️ Transferable*

Basic Video Editing
Photo Editing (Lightroom)
Canva / Basic Design
Social Media Content
Microsoft Office

* Mostly self-taught during unemployment.
YouTube tutorials count, right?

03 /

References

"A real go-getter. Honestly surprised Ukko hasn't been snapped up yet. Must be the market."
— Former Manager, LinkedIn Connection #312
"We were so impressed with the application. Unfortunately we went in a different direction. Best of luck."
— HR Bot, Faceless Corporation Inc.
"He finished a climbing route and hit a new rank in the same afternoon. Focus like that is rare."
— His Mum, Unsolicited Reference

Let's Make
Something
Official

Ukko Mustakoski comes with his own laptop, a positive attitude that is 60% genuine, and an extremely practised handshake. When not applying to jobs, he's conquering a climbing wall or gaining some elo — both require grip strength and the refusal to quit. Interviews available 24/7. He has nowhere else to be.

Hire Ukko. Please.